Stress Pains

Yet another year has gone by and I have not stayed committed to my blog as I have said I would.  Today I find myself here to release some the stress that I accumulated over the past few weeks.  I hope that this does not continue to be the trend.  I hope that I find time or even just a passion for something..... anything that I find worthy enough to continuously post here.  Lately I find myself to be in a rut and I have the desire to do something more or different with my  life.  I need to set goals and pursue them.  I have goals bouncing around in my head, but I NEED to actually take the time to type them out or write them down and come with a plan to pursue them.  This has especially became evident to me because as I type this I am sitting at the foot of my mother's hospital bed.  I truly hate that it takes moments like this to remind me that I have only one life to live and that I need to make the most of it because you never NEVER know what is going to happen. 

My mother has landed herself in this facility in a event  that happened in mere hours.  Or what appeared to be hours but was actually occurring over some length of time.   I brought my mother to the hospital with what we thought was just a stomachache.  This was not the case and she ended up in surgery only hours after walking through the Emergency Room doors and hours after that on a ventilator.  

A ventilator  is a machine designed to mechanically move breatheable air into and out of the lungs, to provide the mechanism of breathing for a patient who is physically unable to breathe, or breathing insufficiently.

Sounds Scary.............but is actually 20x scarier in person.  She luckily is no longer on it and is on her loooong road to recovery.  I thank the strength she has shown and the will to survive because her pilgrimage through the hospital has been quite the battle and she has the scars to prove it.  

It is the endless hours I have spent in the hospital with my mother over these past twelve days that has put a heavy weight on my chest that I need to truly cherish the moments I am given.  It has also given me a reality check that my mother is really... all.... I..... have..... left.................  

(Insert feeling of overwhelming loneliness) 

Luckily I am confident that my mother is going to be just fine.  I know it is going to take time to have her back to her normal self, but it is a wonderful feeling knowing that she is going to be okay.